I couldn't figure out why I was having such issues when I first got here after being so excited about it. I'd been getting myself in the mindset of living life here and mentally checking out of LA, but my roommates got very upset. So we talked it out (in a manner of speaking) and I made an effort to not seem quite so excited to start over. I REALLY put forth effort to make sure my roommates knew I wasn't trying to check out on THEM, just my financial situation. I re-invested in my life in LA that week, so suddenly I was up here and it felt like a really long, weird vacation. I couldn't mentally prep. I totally see their point, by the way, but it cost me my chance to prepare myself.

I got here... and there was nothing. I felt really disconnected. My sister had been doing this work from home job and making a lot of money. My mom recommended I do it; they had both researched it and even though it asked for access to a lot of sensitive information, the BBB had given them a good rating and they totally seemed legit. You can see where this is going, I hope. After I had filled out my application, it came out in a very upsetting and dramatic way that the business was a fraud. So my prospects for that job went out the window instantaneously. This was the day before my audition for Kaiser Permanente's theater education program and the fact that this was suddenly my only chance at a full-time acting job- as well as suddenly being the only job prospect I had at all- put a lot of pressure on it. I did not do well.

Then there was a week of nothing. Lazing around the house... cooking... eating... tv... restlessness... a general sense of depression. Everyone in my family was depressed about my sister's job and I'd had to put fraud alerts on my accounts and none of us kids had jobs and my parents kept asking Dustin "what do you want to do with your life?" in a way that said, "there is no way in hell you are good enough for our daughter" and I sat around... eating... watching tv... sleeping...

There's a real sense of shame to being jobless. What could I have told anyone during any of this?

I decided to go out for administrative jobs. It's something I think I'd be good at and I'd even applied to some positions in LA, but in LA even the entry level jobs require five years or more of experience, so I hadn't gotten very far with those. Here, however, I got a hit on my resume on week two. A company called Bayside Solutions brought me in for an interview for a receptionist position. I didn't get it, but I followed up with the manager and connected with her on linked in. We liked each other, but I didn't have any experience and it's a busy office. However, she called me a few days ago to find out if I'm still looking for work and got me a job with their partner company, Jungle Source. They're a background screening company and I get to play detective and find out if people really work where they say they've worked, etc. I also get to do administrative things and I LOVE it. It's officially only a two week temp job, but even if they don't end up being able to hire me I have a feeling there will be something for me at Bayside next door.

I also just got cast in TriValley Repertory's production of The Heidi Chronicles as Susan.

Today we shot half of Dad's Garlickdance film. There will probably be production shots on facebook soon.

So life is writable now. And I'm trying not to care what people at Vanguard think. I've always been a people pleaser and I know there were many people rooting for me in LA. It's hard to know that and not see this whole move as a failure, even though I'm happy here. So... I had nothing to write.

end.